Television.

Recently, I've been noticing that I spend more and more time sat on the sofa watching television. This realisation turned into a feeling of horror as I tried to tot up the true amount of time I waste watching useless programmes in the past week; the hours were well into the double figures. However I came to the conclusion that this may not be something to be THAT ashamed of.

Now I know that watching too much television is supposedly 'corrupting the youth of today, yadda yadda yadda' but honestly, if I choose to spend my time watching crap on the TV, let me do so in peace. I really don't care that I don't watch conventional educational programmes, as the way I see it I do enough learning and work in school, so watching truly bad programmes is my release. I'm even not ashamed to say on occasion when there's been nothing else to watch I've flicked over to Disney Channel, which has no educational value as far as I can see.

I have also deduced that the programmes I do watch have some lessons, so I thought I might share the knowledge I have gained from these programmes:

1) Real Housewives Of Orange County: Never talk 'smack' about someone to the papers and then go and do what your complaining about yourself. Never date what the Americans call a 'Deadbeat Dad' because it will come back and bite you in the bum. Never decide to sit someone down and tell them the traits of their personality that you don't like, it won't go well. Go to lunch everyday and drink a lot of wine. (The comedic value of this programme exceeds any comedy show I've ever seen, the angry faces alone are hilarious.)

2) Jersey Shore: You can actually go out in public, show your... lady parts, get paid for it and not be considered a stripper. Plus, a lucrative business idea: combine a Gym, Sunbed Shop and a laundromat all under one roof, set it up in New Jersey and the money will come flowing in.

3) Geordie Shore: Friends with Benefits never works, don't try it. It's acceptable to have a fight in public and then pretend it never even happened. A good idea after the fight is to get engaged.

4) Dexter: It's OK to be a serial killer, people will still like you.

5) Keeping Up With The Kardashians: If you stay tuned to the end of the episode, you will learn a valuable life lesson like 'I now realise that my mom was just trying to help me, and I feel really bad about taking advantage of her'.

6) America's Next Top Model: People in the modelling industry try to convince you that personality is important to be a model, but it's not. If you don't know how to smise, don't even bother trying out for the show, you won't be able to win.